I have exciting news:
I'm pregnant and expecting a little one this December!
I'm 7 weeks along.
I'm 7 weeks along.
I am sitting on my bed with the burning taste of stomach acid in my throat thinking: the only way I would be willing to endure four months of the stomach flu (this time around the nausea hit right at week five), excessive weight gain, sore nipples, stretch marks, achy body, post pardum blues, fatigue and the emotional roller coaster that is pregnancy is for a soft, squishy little babe of my own. It makes every hour of hardship worth it. That can be easy to say some days and harder others.
I have a tender heart in making small pregnancy or not reverencing it as a miracle and gift. I have friends who are not able to bear children in this life. I cannot imagine such a trial and so with every baby that grows within me I consider it the most sacred gift. It is often hard to fathom: God entrusting us with his children. I consider the stewardship of motherhood to be the highest and holiest calling given to women. It is my greatest joy and deepest fulfillment.
I have a tender heart in making small pregnancy or not reverencing it as a miracle and gift. I have friends who are not able to bear children in this life. I cannot imagine such a trial and so with every baby that grows within me I consider it the most sacred gift. It is often hard to fathom: God entrusting us with his children. I consider the stewardship of motherhood to be the highest and holiest calling given to women. It is my greatest joy and deepest fulfillment.
This knowledge doesn't take away the nausea or the tears or any of the physical and mental marathon of pregnancy. It. is. so. hard. Yet how could I possibly think it would be any other way! Of course it should be hard. It is because of this toil and suffering that I can experience that unmatchable moment when I first hold my child. There is nothing so perfect, so tender, so transcendent.
It is a moment I feel at one with God.
These past weeks on the couch, I find myself staring at my Benson, his soft cheeks, his squishy tongue stick out under his front teeth as he pronounces his "S's," his little calves flex as he tip toes across the kitchen floor, his wet kisses, the way he bounds into my room every morning with a smile, chicken feathers for hair and a goofy grin.
I keep repeating to myself: I get another Benson. I get another Benson. I can do this. I can do this.
I keep repeating to myself: I get another Benson. I get another Benson. I can do this. I can do this.
This is worth it.
This is so. very. worth. it.
5 comments:
Congrats Joan! You're such a great Mom, and such a wonderful perspective!
Yay! You make cute kiddos! Congrats! And I love what you wrote. Wish I could experience it all. Good luck with the yuckiness :)
IT IS!! You have just echoed my exact thoughts lately about motherhood. I'm sorry you are sick, it's hard mentally to stay focused on the prize at times, but you can do it! We can do hard things!
I love you dearly friend and your cute babies and I love Brandon too ;)
xo
Yay how exciting! I so feel your pain on your pregnancy. I thought I was going to die those first 4 months. Being pregnant is so hard but so rewarding. How lucky we are to be able to bear children. How exciting! Hoping you get your girl!
Joan...when Rachel told me I squealed with happiness! Now there may be 4 husbands for my 4 granddaughters!!! And if you get a girl this time then a wife for one of my grandsons!My heart is heavy though for the price you pay in sickness; but my heart also fills with pride what you wonderful young women are willing to sacrifice to bring these wonderful babies into the world. You are a gift...these babies are lucky to have you and so is Brandon. I send my love and hope that you will feel better soon. Love always -
Alexis
Post a Comment