Ahhh, so this is the reason I have a blog. I almost forgot. It is a safe place (sort of) for me to vent...
Today Max had his Patriotic Program at school. I was certain it started at 8:30 but at 7:50 B told me he was sure we had it on the family calendar for 8am. I checked again and sure enough it started at 8. So I rushed to throw clothes on, tear Benson from his Curious George cartoon and wake Lew from his morning nap. We walked in five minutes late, took pictures, video and waved and smiled at our little Max.
Afterward I ran into Max's teacher who told me that I missed his parent/teacher conference that was scheduled for that week. The horrible truth is I didn't even remember that I forgot (if that makes any sense)! She then reminded me that I forgot his other parent/teacher conference from last quarter too?! I actually forgot that I forgot that one too!?
"Remember, you blamed it on 'pregnancy brain'?" she asked while laughing.
I of course profusely apologized, made jokes about how forgetful and useless I am and then bolted to the car holding back the tears of absolute humiliation, embarrassment and failure.
It would be one thing to miss a dentist appointment or whatever but the fact that I have blown off my son's kindergarten teacher TWICE IN A ROW!?! It's days like today that make me feel like I am in over my head. Having four children is crazy and I think that five is in the cards?! Pah!
Oh, wow. I feel like putting my pjs back on, crawling into bed and burying myself in the covers. Yeah, like that's an effective coping mechanism. Okay, enough blubbering (still crying as I type this). I need to put on my big girl panties and move on. I've already written Max's teacher an email profusely apologizing for my carelessness. What more can one do than apologize, resolve to be better and move on?!
I think I'll go snuggle my Benson on the couch. He always makes me feel better :)
Here is a horribly blurry phone pic of Max at his performance.
He had two lines: "The Constitution of the United States has 4, 400 words. The first time the term, 'The United States of America' was used was in the 'Declaration of Independence'."
He had two lines: "The Constitution of the United States has 4, 400 words. The first time the term, 'The United States of America' was used was in the 'Declaration of Independence'."
I didn't even have time to fix Benson's hair!
Gasp! ;)
That's actually kind of a big deal to me. ha.
9 comments:
Oh, my lovely sister friend Joan! Does it help at all to say I feel the same way and that I probably fail more often?? Four kids has been a big stretch for me too. I just pray that big love can compensate for a million inadequecies as a mother.
We need to somehow see more of each other!
My first thoughts:
Your children KNOW you love them, because you tell them and show them every day.
Your children KNOW God loves them, because you tell them and show them everyday.
Your children KNOW they are special and great because you tell them and show them everyday.
Your children KNOW the value of family, commitment, work, and faith because you tell them and show them everyday.
There are mothers with fewer children who do FAR less.
Years from now, your children will not remember your PTC attendance, but they WILL remember, with great affection and gratitude, your valiant example and unconditional love--and they will be stronger, more confident, and faithul, influential men because of YOU.
I love you, Sweet Joanie. You are amazing, and I reflect on your example EVERY DAY. You are in NO WAY mediocre.
Oh my friend my friend my friend! Is it so wicked that I am laughing tears of complete validation and joy looking at that darling photo of Benson and his hair?!!! Oh how I adore it!
You are SO SO SO not alone, not a "useless" Mama. You are a rock star, and forgot a silly conference! I'll pass on my favorite Mom's advice, "Lighten up! you're a better Mom than you think you are!"
Although I TOTALLY get having a complete meltdown and crying your eyes out. Someone who does life as BEAUTIFULLY and ADMIRABLY as you, who is like the very pinnacle of excellence is naturally going to have a meltdown over something like this! haha!
If it makes you feel any better I have repeatedly told Lily and London's teachers that I want to help out monthly in the class. Have I? NOT ONCE. NOT A SINGLE TIME. I keep saying "next month?!" Pathetic. California has this ridiculous training and finger printing at the local police station and yada yada yada stuff you have to go through to volunteer. Hence, I can't get my act together enough to complete all the forms to actually help. Not to mention finding babysitters. Their teachers think I'm insane.
Anyways, original point being: YOU are doing amazing. Don't feel small. You are raising amazing boys and building a lovely life and home. You are mighty.
Love you!
Rae
Joan, I feel especially small today too as I'm reading this. I'm also trying to resist the urge to eat every piece of chocolate I can find to offset my bad mommy day. I feel you, sister. You are doing great, so keep your chin up!
Thank you for the kind words and encouragement, dear Rae :)
Chocolate is always the answer for me too! ----Until 20 mins after I've consumed so much I'm sick :/ ha
Thanks for the love, Leanna.
I love you too, Karyn. Thank you so, dear friend.
Yes! We do! Hooray for tennis! :)
If it makes you feel any better, a couple weeks ago I took a nap and slept right through the time when the bus drops Lily off (I have to be outside waiting or they won't let her get off the bus). The bus company tried to call me twice -- slept right through it! They took Lil all the way back to school and we had to pick her up from the office.
SO EMBARRASSING! And heart-wrenching.
you are so, so good. and on top of things. and beautiful. love you!!
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