Crossroads

This morning was a tough one with Lewis. "I don't want to wear this shirt! My socks are bugging me!" I attempted to deflect his complaints by changing the subject, "Hey Lew, let's work on your poems. Don't you get a sucker if you finish one?" It worked for a few minutes as he colored his homework but within minutes he was back to the same complaints, "These socks are SO annoying!" That's when I started to breathe deeply and think of all the things I love about Lewis. "Mom, these socks are too small! I need different socks." (Breathe) "Okay buddy, we can get different socks. No big deal." Within minutes of getting his new socks on and tying up his shoes for the second time the doorbell rings...hallelujah! After sending him off with his best friend, Abel and his cute Mom, Kate, I had Alexa play, "George Michael's 'Freedom'" at volume ten. haha. If that song doesn't date me then I don't know what would.

I only have five months with Lewis before I send him off to kindergarten. 150 days?! There are many days that I feel really sad about this chapter coming to a close. There are other days that I am more than ready. But then the thought comes, "What am I going to do?" There's the obvious list: go the gym, nap, write in your journal, paint the baseboards, clean out the closet under the stairs, etc. After that, then what? Am I going to go back to school for a Masters? Go to work with Brandon in real estate? Substitute teach? Volunteer for a nonprofit? What is the best use of my time? What will bring me joy and fulfillment? What will best serve my family? I know Brandon's answer: Come work with me! You could be a property manager and we could hang out more! It would be fun! (Ps: he's THE cutest and of course that's tempting but is it the right path)? Then I think, "Joan, try something for six months/a year maybe and then decide if you want to keep going or do something different. It's not like you can't change your mind."

It's an interesting time for sure. I've been pregnant, nursing, potty training and raising boys for the past 15 years. I'm not great with change. I like routine, I like going into things with my eyes wide open. Bottom line: as much as I hate to admit this, I like control. Not that I don't have control over the next chapter in my life but it's uncharted territory and that's simultaneously exciting and scary. Ultimately, and especially after this morning, I say: Bring it! I'm ready for what lies ahead...