I received an anonymous comment on my post "Saturday Expectations" that I found interesting. Posting "anonymously" is just down right cowardly in my opinion. If you have something to say then claim your voice.
Here is what it said:
"It always feels sad to me when fathers choose their work over being a father. My mom did something similar, and I have never truly forgiven her. Kids need BOTH parents."
I could not agree more Mr./Ms. Anonymous. But in this particular case, (I can only assume that this comment was directly referring to Brandon working 80 hours a week) Brandon works two jobs purely out of necessity. As much as we LOVE Daddy time--we NEED food and shelter.
Considering the fact that Brandon is a man and dutifully claims his role as provider he works unfathomably hard for the welfare of his family and when he is home he is Daddy. He wrestles, reads to, teaches, uplifts, and loves our sons better than anyone I know (me included). He is every bit the man I thought he was when I married him and only continues to truly prove himself as a devoted husband and father.
So, please Mr./Ms. Anonymous don't pass ignorant judgment...and if you do choose to do so at least leave your name so I can chew you out personally!
21 comments:
well said. the coward that left such mean words OBVIOUSLY doesn't know you or brandon or your situation.
i guess this is a good reminder for all of us -- don't judge others because you never know what someone else may be going through.
w
I didn't post the comment since I'm not afraid to speak up, but I'm very interested to hear what people think about it because I tend to agree with anon. I have only your words to go by, but you are lonely because your husband isn't around much, and when he is with the kids (which can't be more than a few hours a week if he is working 80 hours...poor man!) he is on his phone. I grew up in a family where we cut back on things we didn't need (i.e. a big house, vacations, more than one car) so that my parents could be home more (and I had a SAH dad). I know that the way we are raised colors our beliefs, but I have to imagine your husband is sad to work himself to the bone and have little time with his kids too. I'm not trying to pass judgment at all (maybe anon was, I have no idea), I'm always just curious as to the long-term impacts on the entire family when the dads work excessively.
Sorry, I should have introduced myself :) I found you via EmilyAnne, who I found via Stacey, my best friend from childhood (we grew up 3 houses apart). Stacey and Em were neighbors in Utah. Glad to hear the working so hard is short term, and I know in this economy we are all grateful to have any job at all! I hear more and more people I know getting laid off every day. So tragic.
Wow. Yeah, kids need both parents. But being clothed and eating takes precedence over time. I know a lot of families that have been through rough financial times and instead of manning up and getting another job they complain to other people about it. That's why you have a mother and a father. You tag team it. Last time I checked the father is the provider and my brother is doing what he needs to do to fulfill that role. LOVE YOU GUYS!!
by the way, you need to get a site meter. It tells you who looked at your blog at what time. Get that coward. haha just kidding.
Joan, from what I can remember of you and Brandon you two are great parents and he is a great father, Provider and is active in the church. It seems you have a great relationship with him and he with you and your children. You know your family better than anyone. don't let ignorant people ever let you feel like you two are not doing a great job. no matter what your circumstances may be, you are a terriffic mother and Brandon is a terriffic father. this is just 1 phase out of many in your life and EVERYBODY goes through times when the situation is not your favorite. It will only make your family stronger and appreciate your time together more. P.S. good for you for standing up to anonymous
Do you feel loved? Yes. Do you kids feel loved? Yes. We would all love more time with our family but we also need to provide and be provided for. Maybe it's my East Coast mentality shining through, but I feel that you can be emotionally, physically and spiritually provided for (however many hours that takes) and still be part of a loving family that would do ANYTHING for you.
Joan, you crack me up. I love the "Let me chew you out personally!" line. I remember once when I totally showed up late for something when we were roommates and you told me that was poor form. And I was offended for like 5 minutes and then I was like, oh yeah, that totally was poor form. I love that about you.
What I don't get about comments like that from anon, is that they are neither positive nor productive. We have enough pessimism and criticism in the world, you know?
Who's the big JERK???
I removed anonymous comments from my blog...due to a similar experience of a judgmental comment made by someone I know (I am 99% I know who it was thanks to my site meter)
Ugh.
People suck.
love you.
xoxo
And Kudos to Brandon for being an amazing father/husband. I've seen it with my own two eyes. He's the GREATEST!!!!!
The fact that ANYONE would have anything but complete AWE and PRAISE for Brandon doing WHATEVER IT TAKES in this economy to provide for their family is nauseating to me.
News flash, Mr./Ms over-psychoanalytical anonymous "I blame my parents for ridiculous scapegoat anger issues that I probably use as a crutch/excuse for inappropriate and destructive behavior (such as leaving baseless, absurd, and unwarranted comments on a hard working, loving family's personal blog)"...
You my friend, clearly don't have a clue of the suffering and sacrifice sometimes initially required for the greater good of your family (yes, I'm sure the kids would love Brandon home more, with food on the table, and heat, and presents from Santa...but unfortunately sometimes all of those wishes only coexist in a land where the unicorns also speak)...
I'm not sure if your hard working parents had time to teach you this little catch phrase with all their time at the office or whatever:
IF YOU HAVE NOTHING NICE TO SAY, DON'T SAY ANYTHING AT ALL.
Merry Frickin Christmas.
Sincerely,
RAe - just another wife of a HARD WORKING, HONORABLE, LOVING FATHER who the world benefits a little more from.
I love when you let your thoughts flow. I wish i could have watched your facial expressions when you first read the comment and then when you wrote the post. YOU ARE THE GREATEST!! I have read a few of these types of posts lately...responding to an anonymous comment. It makes me wonder if it is just someone wanting to get a reaction. Maybe this person was just opening up some bottled feelings. Whatever the case you and B and the boys are some of my very favorite people and I know you are BOTH very committed to each other and to your family/kids!
Amen Joan! Good for you for standing up to anonymous and expressing your feelings! Brandon is a great man, and i'm sure an amazing husband and father. Ya gotta do what ya gotta do to get through hard times--others need to butt out if they can't understand that.
Take care---Merry Christmas!
Every once in awhile I come over from Anne, Emily, or Kate, cause you are on all their lists, and cause you seem like a very sweet, fun person! It really is sad when people make judgements like that. We all struggle in different ways, and we are all trying. Instead of kicking each other down when the going gets hard, we should be lifting each other up. You should know (and I'm sure you do) how cute your family is, and how happy you seem together just from a simple glance through your pictures from a stranger like me. (Well, I met you a couple times, but I had already moved out of the house.;) Plus, as much as your husband has to work right now to provide, it's so obvious that he loves your boys and you, and there are some people in the world whose dads are home all the time and won't give their wife or kids the time of day. You are blessed!!
Joan, Oh dear don't get me started! I look at my husband who also works over 80 hours a week, comes home and tries to put on a cheerful face and play with the kids (though he is so exhausted he could die) helps put the kids to bed, then goes and studies utill he falls asleep on his books, only to get bombarded with questions from a room full of attending residents at the 5 am morning report the next day. And I think to myself often, "that is one hell of a dad and husband." He is in the trenches for this family. And he gives every ounce of remaining energy he has to my kids and me. What more could we ask for? I say good job to Brandon for being in the trenches too. I guarantee your and my children will have GREAT memories of thier dads.
I sure did get it at Target and for only $12...there is no better place to buy a cheap dress:) I hope you guys had a nice Christmas!
well I see the anonymous option is gone. While I am not the person in question, I do have to agree with Brandon. I work in the medical profession, and the end of the year is the busiest time for us (everyone's insurance deductible has been met and so there are lot of elective surgeries). I have been know to average 80 or more a week and there is still more than enough time for my daughter and son. It just means that other priorities like sleep/TV are pushed to wayside. Things are getting better.
Way to go Joan....I second that notion!!!! :)
Hmmm... people are dumb. Obviously this anonymous is a little clueless because I don't think anyone else who read that saw it as Brandon choosing work over his family. I'm pretty sure no one would CHOOSE to work 2 jobs & 80 hours a week! Good for you though on calling them out on it!
The ethics of hard work I think is one of the greatest lessons a father can teach his children. Because that is life, we have to work in order to live. Now there are different ideas what people need in order to live. However, this anon person should realize by your other postings that you aren't living an extravagant life in a mansion with boats. And, unfortunately, not all of us are blessed with an inheritance by which the father and mother can be home. And not every man is blessed with a fabulous job that pays the bills and allows him a 9-5 job. And if mr/mrs anon thinks Brandon is a bad father for working over 80hrs, than, doctors must be terrible fathers. It's not about how much you work, but, about how much quality time you spend with your children that makes the difference.
I don't normally engage in blog-reading sessions. I only visited to view updated pictures of your boys. Sadly I found record of a rather pathetic post. "Anonymous" doesn't need any more criticisms from me regarding their off-base/ludicrous comment. What they do need is something more credible to do with their time. Stiring up drama on the internet via a family blog doesn't qualify in my book as doing something worthwhile wiht yourself. Should anonyous have children I would encourage them to do their child/children a favor and strive to become a human being a child ought to model themsleves after. Whoever this person is is likley lonley and somewhat jelous of someone like Joan and her family. Few women I know have as much to offer as Joan and as for Brandon, well he chose her, so he must have his head on pretty straight. I love you and your family Joan. We share a sisterly bond that I cherrish very much. I am sorry I have broken my general rule of avoiding blogs but in this case I am glad I didn't. Hopefully no one is offended by my anti-blog comments. I am mostly playing around. I am simply not focused or creative enough to maintain one, or perhaps I would. Maybe anonymous should attack me for not being able to blog effectivley. HA HA. The other thing I was going to say is that if anonyomous is willing to come forward I will happily verbally or physically assult them. I will also take this opportunity to make it of public note that I am a huge Britney Spears fan and am attending her Circus Tour on April 14th (12th row). Also, if people in Holywood continue to proclaim their political beliefs publicly just because they can for much longer I might organize an anti-movie stars who have stupid political opinions campaign. Love to you all who I know and who read this blog (Em, Ann etc.) Also, I didn't spell check this because I am breastfeeding while I write it-maybe anonymous has something to say about that too! Until next time, which won't be soon.
Love,
Andrew,Mart and Gwen
"I hate the guys who criticize and minimize the other guys whose enterprise puts them above the other guys who criticize and minimize"...an old Hansen family mantra.
Joan and Brandon...hang in there. There unfortunately is an element of human nature in people that when they see others begin to strive for excellence (or happiness) want to see them put back in their place.
How dare you break through the stereotypical norm of today by bailing yourself out instead of asking the government to!
Love and best wishes in this difficult economy. We are all feeling the pain.
Alexis
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