Joan

I feel like I've really thrown in the towel with blogging to some degree. Not that I don't post about the birthdays or a cute photo I took with Benson on my bike or whatever...but I haven't really written about me. How do I feel about my life. What am I thinking or feeling or doing? The title of this blog is called, "Joan's Life," right? So, where is the "Joan" in all of this? I should try and be a bit more introspective. I feel like I am but I don't sit and take the time to write those things down as well as I should.

I was feeling super frustrated with the world the other day and how it is entirely void of decency, respect, and all things sacred. For example, we were perusing Barnes and Noble the other weekend with the boys and Sabina. I was chasing Benson around while he pulled things off the shelves. Sabina was walking around with James and Max while they looked through an assortment of children's books and Lego paraphernalia. Brandon perused home magazines (he is a closet architectural digest, dwell, modern home etc. junky).
He walked over to me after several minutes looking ready to go when I noticed that his face was red. Side note: my good husband wears everything on his face especially guilt (not that that is an emotion he feels regularly but when he does, you know). It doesn't help his cause either that I am the most perceptive wife ever...well, maybe you've got me trumped, Rae.
I said, "Why is your face red? What happened?"
He responded, "I was flipping through a book about home design and there was a naked girl in it."
Bless my husband's heart forever and ever. Oh how I love this pure, good man!
I stormed over to the filthy, pornographic book disguising its contents as "home design" in horror and began vigorously flipping through the pages. Sabina walked up behind me and laughed, "Are you trying to find the picture of the naked girl?!"
"Well, yes!" I responded, realizing how silly I was.
The girl was laying on a couch ENTIRELY nude and in a sensual position to boot!?! I tossed the filth back on the shelf utterly disgusted all while reaffirming my conclusion that the world is going to hell in a hand basket and trying desperately to take my three innocent, darling boys AND husband along for the ride!
NO WAY! NOT EVER are you going to rip these precious children from my fiery, passionate, protective care! And my husband?! Over my dead body!!!
I am sick for these sad, sad women who allow themselves to become such pathetic, salacious, pornographic filth for a few bucks and all in the name of "self expression" and "sexual freedom?!!?" Really? Is that what we've come to?!
I realize that I cannot and even in some bizarrely twisted way shouldn't protect my boys from everything. I know they have to live in and among people that do not share our beliefs or moral views. It is all a part of life: gaining experience, learning from mistakes and moving onward and upward. I just have this awful pit in my stomach, knowing that their sweetness is being sucked away every second of every day. Their innocent eyes will at some point behold horrible, horrible things just like my poor, unsuspecting husband.
I just pray and plead and cry that they will have the desire, the strength, and the will to turn away from the filth and cleave fiercely to the good. It is my personal mission statement to do all in my power to teach them how to be valiant, strong, independent, confident men who desire all the light and truth and purity in the world.
As a Mother, that is my one true desire for my sons. I will hope for that and work for that every moment.

So...there is a little bit of "Joan" for ya.